


Portmanteau

by EldritchSandwich



Series: DC United [15]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Banter, Domestic Fluff, Fluffy Sandwich, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29853711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich
Summary: Alfred walks in on the Batkids in the throes of a very important discussion.
Series: DC United [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964518
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	Portmanteau

"Okay, how about...Penguin and Riddler?" Steph asked.

"Easy," Duke said, pausing to crane his neck and catch the piece of kettle corn Tim lobbed toward him in his mouth. "Birdbrain." Step and Cass both nodded, and Tim grunted.

"Yeah, that's a good one. Your turn."

"Uh, let's see...ooh, I got one. Clock King and Calendar Man."

The four exchanged glances. Tim was the first to speak. "Maybe like...24/7? I don't know, something to do with days and weeks?"

"How about just Time Crime?" Steph suggested, and Duke shrugged.

"Time Spree," Cass said from her position practically hanging upside down from the couch, and Duke grinned.

"Ooh yeah, that's the one!"

Cass grinned back, then opened her mouth expectantly. Tim obligingly tossed another piece of popcorn into her mouth. "Okay Cass, your turn."

"Mm...Scarecrow and...Catwoman."

"Oh come on, that's way too easy," Tim said immediately. "Scaredy-Cat!" The others just shrugged in concession. "Okay, now...how about Joker and Poison Ivy?"

Steph wrinkled her nose. "That would never happen."

"Not the point. Joker and Poison Ivy, come on."

The other three leaned back to think. Before anyone could come up with anything, however, the sound of a throat being cleared from the door of the parlor drew their attention. All four turned to find Alfred standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

"I don't mean to interrupt...I'm sorry, what am I interrupting, exactly? Other than you spoiling your suppers?"

Tim awkwardly tried to shove the bowl of kettle corn behind the couch as Steph sat up straighter. "We're just...playing a game."

"We're coming up with potential team-up names for the villains," Duke explained. "Like, say...if Firefly and Mr. Freeze teamed up, you could call them Hot and Cold."

"Ah."

"Yeah, like that, except funny or clever," Tim said, and Duke kicked at him from the easy chair next to the couch.

"Whoever comes up with the best name gets to pick the next pair."

Alfred hummed. "I see."

"Right now we're on the Joker and Poison Ivy," Steph explained, before glaring at Tim. "Who would never team up in real life." Tim rolled his eyes. "But we're having trouble coming up with anything."

Alfred nodded. "Of course. Well I don't mean to intrude. I only wanted to enquire if any of you had seen Master Damian."

"Down in the cave," Cass said. "Training."

"We invited him to play," Duke added, "but he had...trouble accepting the premise."

Alfred just nodded. Damian Wayne was...not exactly the sort for cutesy nicknames.

"I see. I'll look for him there, thank you. Supper will be ready at six thirty." He turned to leave, then paused halfway out the door. "There is of course...Greenhouse Gas."

Cass let out a surprised laugh, Steph grinned, and Tim threw his head back with a groan. Duke just blinked. "Wait. Was that was a pun? Does Alfred...is Alfred allowed to make puns?"

Alfred turned back to the door. "Killer Croc and Condiment King," he said over his shoulder. "I'll expect you to have come up with something quite good by supper."


End file.
